This weekend is full of things to keep to myself, But i also have that if i don't write about it and photograph it i'll forget it all one day.... I need to get over this mentality. Because in reality it keeps me from enjoying the moment. I spent my weekend focusing on photos and how to write about it all that when it finally came time to write... I had nothing.
Nothing comes out but spurs of memories and moments from my weekend. Welcome to RockVille was so great. I am so happy to have survived it. Believe me it was brutal and i caught myself thinking if this is anything like hell, it might not be such a bad place to end up after all. The sun and heat was deadly. And the crowds were insane. But the bands oh they were so worth it. Although my dad tended to ruin the bigger bands for me by talking..... It was still such a breathtaking moment to see bands I've been listening to since i can remember. I actually wanted to cry because i was so mad Rob zombie didn't play dragula But he came back out and ended it with it. Which was just so aaaaahhh. I felt so infinite this weekend i'm having troubles being able to sum it all up into words.
I also cried during stained AGAIN, But this time because i've come so far since the first time i saw them. I'm not that selfish sad naive girl anymore. And I never ever want to see her again. She wasn't me. She was just lost and bands pulled her out of it. Honestly they did. I cried back then, I cried this weekend and i'll probably cry thinking about it if i ever see them again. It's just I can't say enough how grateful i am for my life. Or how far i've come, And how great this year has been for me..... gonna stop there.
I met some great people, Half of which i didn't even catch the names of. And the odds of ever seeing them again aren't in our favor. Which is fine. Although i wouldn't mind seeing them again. I was talkative and happy. I'm starting to feel alive. Starting to feel like a different person. Or as if the older me i thought i'd never be again is coming back. Music is what is keeping me alive. The amounts of people surrounding me, The feelings, the sounds, the pains, the feeling when you're so dead and lifeless but the band comes on and in a second you feel nothing but the energy and happiness of everyone around you. The pain slips away and you're energetic and screaming at the top of your lungs. I Stay alive for those feelings. By the time korn came on the second day my feet felt like i was walking on needles, my skin was stinging all over and i felt like passing out multiple times that day.... But as i stood there i gave them all i had left in me. Even if i was in the back. Even with my dad talking in my ear. Even with my best friend sitting down not caring at all. I wouldn't change it. I wish the feeling could be bottled up and saved for those melancholy days where i'm laying in bed wishing for sleep or for when i'm so annoyed with everyone around me.
Honestly the best part of the weekend was probably the ending.
But an ending truly is just another beginning. The radio was blasting, So loud you could feel it in your bones.
I couldn't even care how dead i felt, or that my head was pounding. Or that traffic was horrible. Or that we were that loud car everyone including me always hates.
I sang anyway. I remember driving over the blue bridge wishing i could stand up sticking my arms and head out of the roof of the car.
I felt like my favorite book character Charlie from the perks of being a wall flower. I saw myself as him.
And for a moment i swore i knew how he felt when he said "I feel infinite".....
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