My body is so full of emotion tonight i feel like i might combust....~

First off, Although it technically came second.....

One of my favorite band dudes who I've supported and followed since 2010  Messaged me with his new bands music video..... And I was actually shocked I hadn't noticed it was out yet.-. It just made my heart Warm and fuzzy that he talks to me still. Even after his disappearance from the world, He came back recently new band in tow. And it makes me smile that he cared to find me and get me into his new band.
Which i would've found eventually anyway.
 I love raw fabrics so much. They're creative and different with their look and sound.  The only song out right now is called down the drain and it gets stuck in my head far to often. His old band (Drive A) Is that band that got me where i am today, But if you're a good follower of mine you'd already know that d: I was sad to see them go. And i'll admit i still miss them from time to time but they are all onto bigger and better things and i proudly still support them all in their new projects.
 Not just because they are great people that i love but because the music is great on all levels.
(Jason is in Beachwood coyotes, Taylor in no coast, Bruno who now goes by jack haha being in raw fabrics, And uh not sure about Cody and Robert at the moment but still figured i'd add the bands in case you want to look them up as well)

The link for raw fabric's video song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z61iG78JFk <---- d: it's great.

So there was reason one, Now onto reason two!
 The first Alternative press magazine award show was on tonight. And i was so shocked that we had the channel it was on. I flipped my lid when it came on just because of the fact i could watch it, But it was so freaking crazy and i live tweeted it. Probably saying more than i should have but god bless all my followers for putting up with me. I couldn't contain myself. And now i'm just so all over the dang place.
All these bands mean so much to me, And it is so amazing seeing them all together like this. Alternative isn't as popular as i'd like it to be, But Ap helps it get more of a following. I know not many people cared about what i had/ have to say about tonight. But i realized how much it all means to me.
Lately i keep hearing my dad ask "Job or school" And I cannot answer him because i have literally No idea. Where i'm going to go from 18 or what i'm going to do with my life. But i'm realizing that it needs to be music related. That is where my heart is. Behind the scenes, Writing, vlogging, photographing, Recording, Talking, blah blah blah i want all of it. I just don't know what or how right now. And i'm scared i never will. I have that drive I do. But nobody ever see's it because i'm such a confused slow person as of late. But i'm working on changing that. And i'll do my damnedest to make my life the way i want it. I don't want to have to force myself through school that might not ever get me to where i want to be. Or force myself into a job i hate. My life is sucky enough no thank you. But i know that it might be exactly what I must do to succeed.
How the hell does everyone We fans sitting at home look up to make it to where they are?
Because please if you know tell me your secrets and show me your ways.
It takes hard word, knowing people and starting from the bottom. These are the things i know. But that's not enough to help me get anywhere. And it drives me mad because i actually don't even know where i want to be exactly. I just have this dream and this idea that probably doesn't even freaking exist. I don't see anyone ever caring about what I have to say, Or see people relating to me. Or having fans of my own one day.
Like will someone ever actually be a me one day? Searching for that drive Waiting for that next photo or tweet...... Cause that's something i feel i can only ever dream of. But fuck dreams come true everyday. Right? I hope. And I pray..... That i'll make it somewhere one day.

I don't want to be in the audience forever, I don't want to be a useless speck of dust in the wind forever.
And i need to get my cards in order and work harder on figuring it all out. Someone send help i might die before i ever get anywhere. But at least i'll have died trying.

 https://twitter.com/pr3tty3Vacant3 <---- If you care to see all the dumb things i said about tonight's show feel free to go be a creep. I'd screen shot it all but ugh Lazy, And nobody cares anyway. So there's that.

I feel like originality is dead,

And that the life I want, can't keep me fed.
All these dreams fill my head with countless hours of useless dread.
All words to be written, already said.
Sitting here alone in my bed, I start to wonder.
No sounds to fill the void but the rain and thunder.
There's a storm, and I don't want to be apart of the norm.
Socially awkward, I do my best to carry on ward.
To speak up, and say what's on my mind.
Dealing with life on the grind.
The life I want feels like one I cant have.
Because it's one everyone wants.
To live free, and to die a legend.
Leaving my mark with photos and words.
Sometimes it feels like it'll never be heard.
Or seen.
Smart phones, send aches through my bones.
Ending creativity, and memories.
Hurting my heart, and killing dreams I've had from the start.
How will I ever make it out alive, to show my part.
To thrive. Living life through lenses, different places every night just trying to survive.
That's all I want. But It feels like I'll never be within reach, I want it. I need it. But will it ever be? Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Curiosity killed the cat, and I'm fat, I take up too much space. and I'll be judged in the first place, probably before even making it to first base. I just want To rest my case, and prove you all wrong. I'll get what I want, and I'll find where I've always belonged.

Life on tour would never be a bore, chore after chore, whore after whore, night after night, me verses me will always be the biggest fight. but at the end of the day, it's all up to what the world around me has to say.

Welcome to Rockville Post one. (Photos and actual posts to come later.... this is just i don't even know)

This weekend is full of things to keep to myself, But i also have that if i don't write about it and photograph it i'll forget it all one day.... I need to get over this mentality. Because in reality it keeps me from enjoying the moment. I spent my weekend focusing on photos and how to write about it all that when it finally came time to write... I had nothing.

Nothing comes out but spurs of memories and moments from my weekend. Welcome to RockVille was so great. I am so happy to have survived it. Believe me it was brutal and i caught myself thinking if this is anything like hell, it might not be such a bad place to end up after all. The sun and heat was deadly. And the crowds were insane. But the bands oh they were so worth it. Although my dad tended to ruin the bigger bands for me by talking..... It was still such a breathtaking moment to see bands I've been listening to since i can remember. I actually wanted to cry because i was so mad Rob zombie didn't play dragula But he came back out and ended it with it. Which was just so aaaaahhh. I felt so infinite this weekend i'm having troubles being able to sum it all up into words.

I also cried during stained AGAIN, But this time because i've come so far since the first time i saw them. I'm not that selfish sad naive girl anymore. And I never ever want to see her again. She wasn't me. She was just lost and bands pulled her out of it. Honestly they did. I cried back then, I cried this weekend and i'll probably cry thinking about it if i ever see them again. It's just I can't say enough how grateful i am for my life. Or how far i've come, And how great this year has been for me..... gonna stop there.

I met some great people, Half of which i didn't even catch the names of. And the odds of ever seeing them again aren't in our favor. Which is fine. Although i wouldn't mind seeing them again.  I was talkative and happy. I'm starting to feel alive. Starting to feel like a different person. Or as if the older me i thought i'd never be again is coming back. Music is what is keeping me alive. The amounts of people surrounding me, The feelings, the sounds, the pains, the feeling when you're so dead and lifeless but the band comes on and in a second you feel nothing but the energy and happiness of everyone around you. The pain slips away and you're energetic and screaming at the top of your lungs. I Stay alive for those feelings.  By the time korn came on the second day my feet felt like i was walking on needles, my skin was stinging all over and i felt like passing out multiple times that day.... But as i stood there i gave them all i had left in me. Even if i was in the back. Even with my dad talking in my ear. Even with my best friend sitting down not caring at all. I wouldn't change it. I wish the feeling could be bottled up and saved for those melancholy days where i'm laying in bed wishing for sleep or for when i'm so annoyed with everyone around me.

Honestly the best part of the weekend was probably the ending.
 But an ending truly is just another beginning. The radio was blasting, So loud you could feel it in your bones.
I couldn't even care how dead i felt, or that my head was pounding. Or that traffic was horrible. Or that we were that loud car everyone including me always hates.
I sang anyway. I remember driving over the blue bridge wishing i could stand up sticking my arms and head out of the roof of the car.
I felt like my favorite book character Charlie from the perks of being a wall flower. I saw myself as him.
And for a moment i swore i knew how he felt when he said "I feel infinite".....

Universal, Skillet, Religion,And friend hangs~

Over the weekend my concert /universal buddy (Angie) and I attended universal's mardigas to see the parade and skillet.
We had great spots for the parade and caught more beads than expected which was great and once over all we had to do was turn around and walk up a bit to face the stage for Skillet.
I didn't realize how much i loved them until the day before. And even more so here after. They played two songs and on the third..... the sound cut off. They were fixing it for about 30 minutes or so. I was disappointed and thinking they wouldn't finish the set but they did! And with added songs to make up for it. It was the last tour date of a tour that's been going on since January! So john was pretty happy to end it all with a BANG!
Their stage setup was the best I've ever seen, Angie begged to differ but they were just so great.  Smoke, screens behind them showing lyrics and very well animated videos/ videos. And even a staircase type thing that had them moving up and down! Twas insane.
 Near the end an introduction to one of the songs sent chills down my spine and gave me goosebumps.
Although i cannot recall the name of the song, I do know it was about suicide (prevention) and it just touched me. As some of you may know Skillet is a christian band... And they preached a little too which was a little awkward for me i tend to hide my religion. And i enjoyed this part far more than i lead on. This un explainable out of body experience started to come over me and i honestly haven't stopped thinking about it. My life has changed measurably since becoming closer too my best friend, Whom led me closer to god? Along with her wonderful family of course. I no longer felt pressured into it. Or as if i was doing it only to fit in with them... I was doing it because i wanted it. And my life hasn't been the same. I realized how extremely grateful i am, And how great this year really has been so far.
I wasn't in the best of places last year and i can't believe i was ever able to be pulled out of it. I am nowhere near the follower i should be, i'm a sheep that's gone astray and tends to do her own thing too often and skillet reminded me that i need to take a second to think about how far I've come. Enough to lead me back. Enough to start wearing my love for god on my sleeve. But i don't think i'll ever really get there. I lost my sense of faith, and i'm strong willed. I like to do my own thing. But i do owe my life to him. I mean it. When  looking back I see that he gave me life and hope again. And hopefully it lasts. I'm still just looking for something to put my faith back in. And if that means i end up deciding to become a (better) christian so be it. I did my best to save the verse they had shared (Isaiah 53 something..)  and i was edger to cross check it/ look it up the first chance i had gotten!.... which ended up being just after Angie had left the next day. totally put me back in my place. I was going strong for a good while, but once again i went back to sorrow and back to leading my life the way I WANTED.  i'm rambling again... Oops.

Kind of got off track here, the point was that I was surrounded by people who were feeling the same because this band in front of us was fearless enough to wear their religion on their sleeves and proudly. That's so amazing to me. I'd see them again in a heartbeat and I  in fact hope to.

Derpin, But proud of our beads. 

see the pedestal type things! so cool.

My photos aren't all that great cause i used my phone the whole time. I usually just give angie my shizz and go without a bag or anything, Which is nice. EXPECT THIS TIME.... Cause she still has my credit card haha. I'm a broke basic bitch for the week, Or until i see her again. 

Subject change! I also finally had the opportunity to see the ReVamped beetle-juice show. And i was so excited about it, but it was kind of a let down. They just changed it to Beetlejuice's mashup. and it's so 2014 i wanted to puke. Which is probably exactly what they were going for to be honest. The costumes were tacky and trashy and boobs just boobs. Yes lotsa boobs. Not that i'd complain about boobs (; hehe.  I never got the chance to see the older show but i wish i could have. In fact i might check YouTube. I'd have love the old cheesy costumes and songs. Don't get me wrong the show was still great, I was singing and dancing along the whole time. I was just upset at how modern they made it. Kinda felt like they sold out and went for a hhn (Halloween horror nights) Bill and ted's show kind of feel. The songs weren't bad just felt like they A took it too far and B focused on Frankenstein too much. Who looked so bad, the hair the makeup the outfit everything iiiiiccckkkk! I don't get why i'm so biased about this. But i just dislike the directions they took with the show. Thus being said i'd still totally go see it again tho! And i'm hoping to be seeing the rocky horror next weekend. ;D which i've been wanting to do FOR SO LONG. i became obsessed after  seeing the small show hhn did last year. So if you're interested be on the lookout for that. If it happens i'll be sure to talk too much about it. As usual if you made it this far into my post, I kind of love you. Thanks so much! ~Chyster

^that's what they should still look like *shakes head*..... I'll add photos of the show later.My phone is being stupid. and won't email them to myself. I'm frustrated and want this posted soooooo yeah.

Dinner haha. 

We're cute~ 

The Decade Tour, march 9th 2014.

There's so much to write i don't even know where to start, But I've gotta start somewhere right? Might as well make it the beginning
The tour was in Jacksonville and on my dads birthday so i thought no way in hell i'm going... But I wouldn't give up. And well here we are two days after. The drive was rocky we went to the wrong venue. But i used the GPS on my phone and we were at the right place in 20 mins tops. Sooooo, No biggie.


We got there and the doors were unlocked. And there wasn't a box office.  So my dad being well my dad walked right in. And i'll be damned the manager let us wait inside the venue. It was so, So, SO weird and amazing for me. We started off in the first room which was no big deal to  be in i mean it was cool and all but we were out of the way so i could see why they would't mind. Later moved on into the main stage room to creep and watch set up.... I WAS FREAKING OUT. Ya know on the inside. (; Until Shawn Milke walked by.....  Because at that point i uh i lost it. Just ask my dad. i kept hitting his leg and uh kept whispering things.

My first VIP experience was so worth it. Not only did it come with a meet and greet that was so fantastic, But a tee shirt vip lanyards a poster and dog tags... The meet and greet alone would've been worth it honestly. Not that i'd really have needed it all the dudes expect Dennis came back out after the show..But anyways, All the Alesana dudes were so down to earth and amazing. I'll never EVER forget talking to them. Jake and Shawn mostly. i spent more time with them than i could've ever imagined or dreamed up.

There were two Local opening Bands, Both of which deserve some recognition. Abolish the relics and Blessing a curse.  I wasn't expecting them to be there nor was i expecting them to be any good but i was wrong. They both had great unique sounds and put on a great show. Defiantly got my energy up and made me start to feel alive again. Although i was pretty hyped up already due to such a great few hours of fangilring on the inside. I mean let's face it, i watched fare well my love get ready and Shawn Milke walked passed me before he was "supposed" to. My dad deserves a few pats on the back for getting me inside so easily and early. Hoping to return to the megaplex Rocbar soon because it was a down to earth rad feeling / looking bar. Next up was Megosh they opened with Black is the new blonde I was a happy panda because i knew it. Or well remembered it haha. Hands and hearts were so great too. Let's just say i'm now a fan of ALL THE BANDS that are on the tour. including the Jacksonville local openers. and i'm happy to have new music to swoon over. I know all the dudes in farewell my love.... yet i only knew one song "mirror mirror" Ooops? but being barrier front and center helped me practice my lip singing... bwhaha. Get scared and Alesana kiled it. I was screaming and jumping the whole time. No wonder why i'm so sick now. I've been running away from this sickness all week it seems and it caught up to me the day after the show sadly.

I brought sour patch kids and reese's to Johnny In get scared Ran right upto him the first time he walked in during set up. He was busy but i asked him if he had a second... His reply? Maybe two seconds?  So adorbz. But point is all the boys made me feel guilty for leaving them out and now next time i see them i'm bringing enough spk's for an army. bwhaha. I got a group photo WITH ALL OF THEM. Which made me so freaking happy. Joked around with them  for awhile and even learned a few things from lloyed and loghan (fare well my love) and just ugh Take me back. I miss it. So much already. I became a totally different person by the end of the night. I was able to open up and actually TALK to people. Anyways,

At the end of the night we waited around because Jake was gonna drink with my dad for his birthday and although it never happened sadly...The conversation i stood in on between the boys was worth it. Jake was pretty blah at the end of the night and started having a sentimental moment about how much the band meant to him and that they were like family to him. Their band manager even came over with Melissa (Shawn's sister, Guest vocals for some alesana songs, and the managers partner)  on skype for a moment and i awkwardly hid behind them while they talked. ahaha it was funny. Made me feel a tad creepy and annoying but hey they didn't mind. I feel like i should shut up now... But there's still so much to tell. My dad was able to help me get at least one pic from each band..... and even Alesana's drum stick. :3 And there's still so much running through my head to talk about. Lets not even go into how energetic my dad was... he kept shouting and at one point dennis reacted on stage and i lost it...  Also sang this conversation is over with dennis shoving the mic in my face.... xD i wanted to cry. Not even kidding. Anyways...
So uh let's add photos shall i? Sorry none of these are really all that great photography wise. Hope you won't mind.

A pic from EVERY BAND. c; 

Farewell my love... I'm wearing loghans hat WOOP!

Picture of a picture happening... It sucked but i finally got a good one ahah

HE'S COOLER THAN ME. i am so jealous. Props to Miranda Eliot for the photo of my dad. It has 51 notes on tumblr...  

Ryan howell, Frewell my love. 

dennis lee..

i effing loved their couches. 

Shawn milke

Had so much fun with the boys Can't wait to see them again soon.

Fail sail, selfie style. 

I really wish i could remember what other band he recommended. I fell in love with MAE. ):  I'm really happy with how much we talked. i honestly can't get over it.

My dad looks dumb. XD 

Johnny Boy ^_^

Covered in dennis lee's spit, Which was mostly beer. I aint even mad. 

He gave me a Megosh button~!!! 

Jake! and the neverland pirate d:

Dorks.

My dads a creep and for once that's ok! yay~

I'll end with PS post concert depression is a bitch.

Bury the hatchet 2014~ Or i'd like to have called it "This war is ours" Ahaha.

The first concert of 2014 went off with a BANG!

And hopefully it'll stay this way for the rest of the year. I'm hoping to hit 5-7 concerts this year. I'd make it 10 but that's setting my sights a little too high seeing how i went to only TWO last year. Three including my birthday at a coffee shop in Orlando. 

I haven't been to the house of blues in a long while, and i couldn't remember the venue so i was weary... But it was great. We got there at 12ish but because the Skip the line, line was short we decided to eat in the restaurant So we could get in said "skip the line line" haha. 

On our way in Robert of one of the bands (Escape the fate) Looked at Angie and said "I like your shirt"  She was wearing an etf shirt HA. He walked away before we could speak to him. Pretty sure we were in a swooning shock for a few minutes afterwards. waiting was per usual boring and sucky as hell. But tis always worth it. 

While waiting in line i met the boys of Survive this!  and after their set they gained a new fan. They were so so great. So lively, super nice, energetic, i could go on for hours i'm kinda obsessed now. Oops.

i look ridiculous..... 

Cannot keep calm, But i shall carry on. 

Escape the fate was great, and falling in reverse was even better. 

Seeing them together live was just simply stunning. And i enjoyed being able to enjoy it from the balcony. Although people were behind us it was a LOT better than being a sardine getting pushed and bummed and honestly the one up was good for pictures as well.

I used the balcony as a tripod to keep my camera still. I'm bummed they didn't check bags and it was safe up there.... so i could have gotten my cannon in But i won't complain. 

Jacky vincent falling in reverse

Ronnie radke Falling in reverse AND former singer of escape the fate... 

Derek Jones , Ronnie Rdke. 

Ron 

 so many bras were thrown on stage. ronnie seemed to love it. XD 

Ron Ficarro

 Hilarious face you got there bro.

 maniacs~

 i love that i caught so many of his funny faces. He's screaming in this one. Raised by wolves i think? 

 Survive this! 

 Shawn crowd surfing... 

 Blurry craig mabbit and Tj bell. Escape the fate

 Tj bell. 

 Ronnie Radke,etf, beginning of Bad girls club. 

 just another victim of the bad girls club. 

 Ronnie Radke, Craig mabbit, escape the fate singing together c:

 Not good enough in the truth chilche 

 Max green, Ronnie radke, And Derek jones. During situations 

 Kevin thrasher! 

 Rain! >.< 

Craig and max... 

Not all of these photos are perfect but i'm very pleased with them. 

It took me forever to sift through and delete photos... I had taken over 500.  Let's just say that part was a bitch and i hated it d: Kinda wish i had someone to do it for me. I suck at deleting it breaks my heart. 

Bring me the horizion is in a few days, And i was planning to go but they sold out. BOO </3 

so my next concert will probably be in march. If my dad agrees to take me. Alesana (and get scared) Are two of my favorite bands.... And VIP tickets are only 36 bucks! LIKE HOLY COW. 

 But the shows in Jacksonville and on his birthday so i'm really pushing my luck here. 

But alas i am determined. I've gotta take johnny B more sour patch kids and some peanut butter cups ;) hehe. 

Anyways back to the now, bury the hatchet. It was simply amazing and i even ran into an old  friend i had met through driveA a band which i miss dearly. Once a favorite band, always a favorite band. My love for them shall never die. They did so much for me. It was great seeing him again now if only the buttmunch would reply to my texts >.< Oh the joys of trying to have friends. 

I'll end this by saying how happy i am to see Max Green clean happy and in escape the fate again. It's where he belongs. And i'm even happier to see him and Ronnie are friends again. It was amazing to see bands whom have a history and beef get along enough to tour together. Kinda wishing i had waited around longer after the show to meet more of them... But i wont ponder things i can't change.

Oh Oh oooooohhh.... Let's not forget to mention that ON THE SAME DAY three years ago i was seeing escape the fate and drive A for the first time.... and it was the day/concert that started it all. Can't believe i almost forgot to mention that. Such an awesome coincidence!~  

Here's to a new year filled with double the concerts and double the blog posts! Thanks for sticking around...  Stay rad, Chyster!