My body is so full of emotion tonight i feel like i might combust....~

First off, Although it technically came second.....

One of my favorite band dudes who I've supported and followed since 2010  Messaged me with his new bands music video..... And I was actually shocked I hadn't noticed it was out yet.-. It just made my heart Warm and fuzzy that he talks to me still. Even after his disappearance from the world, He came back recently new band in tow. And it makes me smile that he cared to find me and get me into his new band.
Which i would've found eventually anyway.
 I love raw fabrics so much. They're creative and different with their look and sound.  The only song out right now is called down the drain and it gets stuck in my head far to often. His old band (Drive A) Is that band that got me where i am today, But if you're a good follower of mine you'd already know that d: I was sad to see them go. And i'll admit i still miss them from time to time but they are all onto bigger and better things and i proudly still support them all in their new projects.
 Not just because they are great people that i love but because the music is great on all levels.
(Jason is in Beachwood coyotes, Taylor in no coast, Bruno who now goes by jack haha being in raw fabrics, And uh not sure about Cody and Robert at the moment but still figured i'd add the bands in case you want to look them up as well)

The link for raw fabric's video song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z61iG78JFk <---- d: it's great.

So there was reason one, Now onto reason two!
 The first Alternative press magazine award show was on tonight. And i was so shocked that we had the channel it was on. I flipped my lid when it came on just because of the fact i could watch it, But it was so freaking crazy and i live tweeted it. Probably saying more than i should have but god bless all my followers for putting up with me. I couldn't contain myself. And now i'm just so all over the dang place.
All these bands mean so much to me, And it is so amazing seeing them all together like this. Alternative isn't as popular as i'd like it to be, But Ap helps it get more of a following. I know not many people cared about what i had/ have to say about tonight. But i realized how much it all means to me.
Lately i keep hearing my dad ask "Job or school" And I cannot answer him because i have literally No idea. Where i'm going to go from 18 or what i'm going to do with my life. But i'm realizing that it needs to be music related. That is where my heart is. Behind the scenes, Writing, vlogging, photographing, Recording, Talking, blah blah blah i want all of it. I just don't know what or how right now. And i'm scared i never will. I have that drive I do. But nobody ever see's it because i'm such a confused slow person as of late. But i'm working on changing that. And i'll do my damnedest to make my life the way i want it. I don't want to have to force myself through school that might not ever get me to where i want to be. Or force myself into a job i hate. My life is sucky enough no thank you. But i know that it might be exactly what I must do to succeed.
How the hell does everyone We fans sitting at home look up to make it to where they are?
Because please if you know tell me your secrets and show me your ways.
It takes hard word, knowing people and starting from the bottom. These are the things i know. But that's not enough to help me get anywhere. And it drives me mad because i actually don't even know where i want to be exactly. I just have this dream and this idea that probably doesn't even freaking exist. I don't see anyone ever caring about what I have to say, Or see people relating to me. Or having fans of my own one day.
Like will someone ever actually be a me one day? Searching for that drive Waiting for that next photo or tweet...... Cause that's something i feel i can only ever dream of. But fuck dreams come true everyday. Right? I hope. And I pray..... That i'll make it somewhere one day.

I don't want to be in the audience forever, I don't want to be a useless speck of dust in the wind forever.
And i need to get my cards in order and work harder on figuring it all out. Someone send help i might die before i ever get anywhere. But at least i'll have died trying.

 https://twitter.com/pr3tty3Vacant3 <---- If you care to see all the dumb things i said about tonight's show feel free to go be a creep. I'd screen shot it all but ugh Lazy, And nobody cares anyway. So there's that.

well...

as hard as it is for me to say this the words burn my toung and typing this makes my fingers want to catch on fire, they must be said.

DriveA is no more </3  you know the guys I've looked up to for over a year now, the guys who made me Love music the way i do now, the guy's who gave me my happiness in myself back? yeah those guys they broke up a few day's ago... yes i know people move on grow up per say and yes i know it's not the end of the world and they're not dead but i just can't get over this.

first time i actually felt important

 with jason after seeing driveA for the first time, i felt so important running around with my clip bord asking for emails haha

 they stoood out in the rain to talk to me<3

taylor meet taylor the panda...

thank you guy's for bringing me and my dad closer together thank you for helping me make him proud and thank you for making me love myself again.

you were and ARE my salvation, the day Jason got me into edbd (earth day birthday) changed my life he taught me that i could do anything i wanted if i put my mind to it.  he showed my dad my life the way i see things he showed him what i was capable of. he's the one that made me choose photography. i felt so alive in the crowd watching them play, i felt so infinite behind my lense capturing the moment showing people that punks not dead. punk Will never be dead. although driveA is over i will always remember how much they helped me in life and how much they're music meant to me and everyone else that supported them. i know that they'll get new bands, new music, new shows, new tours, new songs, new people. i know I'll see Taylor Bruno Jason Robert and Cody again. I'll support them in anything and everything because they supported me thanks for everything driveA goodbye~ chyster