I feel like originality is dead,

And that the life I want, can't keep me fed.
All these dreams fill my head with countless hours of useless dread.
All words to be written, already said.
Sitting here alone in my bed, I start to wonder.
No sounds to fill the void but the rain and thunder.
There's a storm, and I don't want to be apart of the norm.
Socially awkward, I do my best to carry on ward.
To speak up, and say what's on my mind.
Dealing with life on the grind.
The life I want feels like one I cant have.
Because it's one everyone wants.
To live free, and to die a legend.
Leaving my mark with photos and words.
Sometimes it feels like it'll never be heard.
Or seen.
Smart phones, send aches through my bones.
Ending creativity, and memories.
Hurting my heart, and killing dreams I've had from the start.
How will I ever make it out alive, to show my part.
To thrive. Living life through lenses, different places every night just trying to survive.
That's all I want. But It feels like I'll never be within reach, I want it. I need it. But will it ever be? Guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Curiosity killed the cat, and I'm fat, I take up too much space. and I'll be judged in the first place, probably before even making it to first base. I just want To rest my case, and prove you all wrong. I'll get what I want, and I'll find where I've always belonged.

Life on tour would never be a bore, chore after chore, whore after whore, night after night, me verses me will always be the biggest fight. but at the end of the day, it's all up to what the world around me has to say.

Welcome to Rockville Post one. (Photos and actual posts to come later.... this is just i don't even know)

This weekend is full of things to keep to myself, But i also have that if i don't write about it and photograph it i'll forget it all one day.... I need to get over this mentality. Because in reality it keeps me from enjoying the moment. I spent my weekend focusing on photos and how to write about it all that when it finally came time to write... I had nothing.

Nothing comes out but spurs of memories and moments from my weekend. Welcome to RockVille was so great. I am so happy to have survived it. Believe me it was brutal and i caught myself thinking if this is anything like hell, it might not be such a bad place to end up after all. The sun and heat was deadly. And the crowds were insane. But the bands oh they were so worth it. Although my dad tended to ruin the bigger bands for me by talking..... It was still such a breathtaking moment to see bands I've been listening to since i can remember. I actually wanted to cry because i was so mad Rob zombie didn't play dragula But he came back out and ended it with it. Which was just so aaaaahhh. I felt so infinite this weekend i'm having troubles being able to sum it all up into words.

I also cried during stained AGAIN, But this time because i've come so far since the first time i saw them. I'm not that selfish sad naive girl anymore. And I never ever want to see her again. She wasn't me. She was just lost and bands pulled her out of it. Honestly they did. I cried back then, I cried this weekend and i'll probably cry thinking about it if i ever see them again. It's just I can't say enough how grateful i am for my life. Or how far i've come, And how great this year has been for me..... gonna stop there.

I met some great people, Half of which i didn't even catch the names of. And the odds of ever seeing them again aren't in our favor. Which is fine. Although i wouldn't mind seeing them again.  I was talkative and happy. I'm starting to feel alive. Starting to feel like a different person. Or as if the older me i thought i'd never be again is coming back. Music is what is keeping me alive. The amounts of people surrounding me, The feelings, the sounds, the pains, the feeling when you're so dead and lifeless but the band comes on and in a second you feel nothing but the energy and happiness of everyone around you. The pain slips away and you're energetic and screaming at the top of your lungs. I Stay alive for those feelings.  By the time korn came on the second day my feet felt like i was walking on needles, my skin was stinging all over and i felt like passing out multiple times that day.... But as i stood there i gave them all i had left in me. Even if i was in the back. Even with my dad talking in my ear. Even with my best friend sitting down not caring at all. I wouldn't change it. I wish the feeling could be bottled up and saved for those melancholy days where i'm laying in bed wishing for sleep or for when i'm so annoyed with everyone around me.

Honestly the best part of the weekend was probably the ending.
 But an ending truly is just another beginning. The radio was blasting, So loud you could feel it in your bones.
I couldn't even care how dead i felt, or that my head was pounding. Or that traffic was horrible. Or that we were that loud car everyone including me always hates.
I sang anyway. I remember driving over the blue bridge wishing i could stand up sticking my arms and head out of the roof of the car.
I felt like my favorite book character Charlie from the perks of being a wall flower. I saw myself as him.
And for a moment i swore i knew how he felt when he said "I feel infinite".....

Universal, Skillet, Religion,And friend hangs~

Over the weekend my concert /universal buddy (Angie) and I attended universal's mardigas to see the parade and skillet.
We had great spots for the parade and caught more beads than expected which was great and once over all we had to do was turn around and walk up a bit to face the stage for Skillet.
I didn't realize how much i loved them until the day before. And even more so here after. They played two songs and on the third..... the sound cut off. They were fixing it for about 30 minutes or so. I was disappointed and thinking they wouldn't finish the set but they did! And with added songs to make up for it. It was the last tour date of a tour that's been going on since January! So john was pretty happy to end it all with a BANG!
Their stage setup was the best I've ever seen, Angie begged to differ but they were just so great.  Smoke, screens behind them showing lyrics and very well animated videos/ videos. And even a staircase type thing that had them moving up and down! Twas insane.
 Near the end an introduction to one of the songs sent chills down my spine and gave me goosebumps.
Although i cannot recall the name of the song, I do know it was about suicide (prevention) and it just touched me. As some of you may know Skillet is a christian band... And they preached a little too which was a little awkward for me i tend to hide my religion. And i enjoyed this part far more than i lead on. This un explainable out of body experience started to come over me and i honestly haven't stopped thinking about it. My life has changed measurably since becoming closer too my best friend, Whom led me closer to god? Along with her wonderful family of course. I no longer felt pressured into it. Or as if i was doing it only to fit in with them... I was doing it because i wanted it. And my life hasn't been the same. I realized how extremely grateful i am, And how great this year really has been so far.
I wasn't in the best of places last year and i can't believe i was ever able to be pulled out of it. I am nowhere near the follower i should be, i'm a sheep that's gone astray and tends to do her own thing too often and skillet reminded me that i need to take a second to think about how far I've come. Enough to lead me back. Enough to start wearing my love for god on my sleeve. But i don't think i'll ever really get there. I lost my sense of faith, and i'm strong willed. I like to do my own thing. But i do owe my life to him. I mean it. When  looking back I see that he gave me life and hope again. And hopefully it lasts. I'm still just looking for something to put my faith back in. And if that means i end up deciding to become a (better) christian so be it. I did my best to save the verse they had shared (Isaiah 53 something..)  and i was edger to cross check it/ look it up the first chance i had gotten!.... which ended up being just after Angie had left the next day. totally put me back in my place. I was going strong for a good while, but once again i went back to sorrow and back to leading my life the way I WANTED.  i'm rambling again... Oops.

Kind of got off track here, the point was that I was surrounded by people who were feeling the same because this band in front of us was fearless enough to wear their religion on their sleeves and proudly. That's so amazing to me. I'd see them again in a heartbeat and I  in fact hope to.

Derpin, But proud of our beads. 

see the pedestal type things! so cool.

My photos aren't all that great cause i used my phone the whole time. I usually just give angie my shizz and go without a bag or anything, Which is nice. EXPECT THIS TIME.... Cause she still has my credit card haha. I'm a broke basic bitch for the week, Or until i see her again. 

Subject change! I also finally had the opportunity to see the ReVamped beetle-juice show. And i was so excited about it, but it was kind of a let down. They just changed it to Beetlejuice's mashup. and it's so 2014 i wanted to puke. Which is probably exactly what they were going for to be honest. The costumes were tacky and trashy and boobs just boobs. Yes lotsa boobs. Not that i'd complain about boobs (; hehe.  I never got the chance to see the older show but i wish i could have. In fact i might check YouTube. I'd have love the old cheesy costumes and songs. Don't get me wrong the show was still great, I was singing and dancing along the whole time. I was just upset at how modern they made it. Kinda felt like they sold out and went for a hhn (Halloween horror nights) Bill and ted's show kind of feel. The songs weren't bad just felt like they A took it too far and B focused on Frankenstein too much. Who looked so bad, the hair the makeup the outfit everything iiiiiccckkkk! I don't get why i'm so biased about this. But i just dislike the directions they took with the show. Thus being said i'd still totally go see it again tho! And i'm hoping to be seeing the rocky horror next weekend. ;D which i've been wanting to do FOR SO LONG. i became obsessed after  seeing the small show hhn did last year. So if you're interested be on the lookout for that. If it happens i'll be sure to talk too much about it. As usual if you made it this far into my post, I kind of love you. Thanks so much! ~Chyster

^that's what they should still look like *shakes head*..... I'll add photos of the show later.My phone is being stupid. and won't email them to myself. I'm frustrated and want this posted soooooo yeah.

Dinner haha. 

We're cute~ 

My Minds Acting worse than a wreck at NASCAR Tonight. And Yet No words are being typed out to form Proper Readable sense filled sentances.

I really Can't complain about anything as of lately.
I made it through my heLL i Kicked the Asses Of all my demons, and met up with my angels To Get into a concert made for only the gods of Gods. it was Simply BLissFuL. I Was in my element, Body filled with Rage and true pure teenage angst. nothings better than becoming friends With strangers and Getting squished Between tons of the sweaty people whom you've helplessly Become surrounded By,Even if Your with your extremely over protective slightly intoxicated Dad and his clingy Thinks I'm still Five years old Best friend. And That's Only a short part of my story.Let's get Back to My point here, music is and Always will he my religion.There is a God There is a red horny devil Living below us surrounded By fire With three Songs and Hitler for a maid, Or so i've been told ;) Even Outside of my religion Our religion this religion, these things do exist Although I truly believe Every ones Views On these things are farther than the truth than the truth itself.
I know that Everyone see's things differently But in this case The Bands I Love the most are The gods. Or so it seems and the crappy over populated bands these days are obviously Stan the man downstairs and his eviL minions Of Horribleness.

But then again Some people Might see my gods as the devil and my demons as the angels sadly that's what makes the world keep turning. I'm Not joking about this, I really do see this as A religion. I don't worship you Or Your so called God And I don't worship Satan, I worship Myself and the people who get Me when I can't even grasp getting myself. I treat Concerts Just Like You'd Treat your church services. And Don't get me wrong I do go to church, i do so truly believe in the supernatural un worldly elements of heaven and hell. Here's How i see things, You listen to the Preacher, I listen To Myself and Mine. You Sing your Heart Out On your sleeve for the world to see simultaneously keeping your Head held higher than the heavens above, as do I, same as any Other, throw my hands Up in the air and Testify EveryTime every Damn time. After all why Go to a concert Just so sit down Or stand with no remorse. I do all these things with good intentions just as you do, Who Knows Maybe all of this is my stair way to heaven. Maybe all of this Gets me just as close to this so called god as your church does. Half of you people don't even deserve to call yourselves followers of god. You hide behind your religion I don't.We don't care about looks, or about how horrible you think the sound is.and we sure as hell are not Caring about How Bad the lack of oxygen is when your squished, Or in this case its worse because of the smokers You Get to a point where you rather Not breathe than Take in a deep wiff of that crap. This is all just apart of the magic.

 CaLL me crazy if you may or will But You have no say in the matter. this is me and if You can't accept that I No longer need you in my Life please do me and yourself a favor and walk out now don't even finish this Just Go. Yours and No one Else's Judgment is Going to phase me anymore as of now nothing But what I think about Myself will truly matter, Surly I'm Still going to worry about what people are saying and what people are doing But it's not going to make nearly the impact it has made just as it used to.All I know is time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum Swings. I'm done wasting my time over thinking This I'm happy and I need to that i'm Not the monster i Keep seeing myself as. I need stop this and see the beauty In Me inside and out

. Yesterday I had the privilege Of getting To Meet the Gods Of smack that I've Looked up to for as long as I could Remember. Please Take Note that when I say this I'm Obviously Speaking of the pure geniuses In Godsmack, although I didn't Get to meet them face to face hearing there HeartFelt testimony Was good enough for little old me. Seeing them With My Dad standing tall next to Me was One of the Best Highs I've ever experienced, Now that could have been Coming from the fact that the only air I could breathe was extremely over populated By the huge Clouds of smoke and fog, Weed is such a weird thing. But I'd say this was coming from all of the emotional Things I've Gone through In my Life, I stood there Not only jumping But screaming At the top of my lungs.

Whilst Inside my head my brain was processing everything My dad has ever said to me, My brain was also thinking about what he's been through and what I've been through And then Everything was Silent. In my head that is I couldn't Even remember the words to the songs for awhile it was so peaceful To know that even surrounded By Loud pot smoking strangers, I could feel the silence not only that But I could feel the music Pumping through my veins heading on a passageway On a road Strait to my heart.these Bands and my dad have had the biggest impact On my life and for that I'm forever grateful even when I'm not showing it very well. and This My friends And imaginary Blog readers Is my so called Life, and a very small Portion Of how I see it and the other Lives around me and if your Out there somewhere Reading this Know your Oh so lucky To be alive, know I love you just for being here reading this, and please Note I'm always here for you if and when you need me~Chyster.

 find me ;D

singing my heart out in the crowd<3 life was so perfect on that fine saturday.

behind the scenes of my lenses.

true Life            i'm a concert junkie.

i get thrills and chills from waiting hours outside venues in the death defying Florida heat, staring at those big doors waiting for the rush i'll get when they burst open as cool air zooms out into my face. hearing everyone cheer behind me knowing that once i make it past the security and my tickets have been scanned i can race past everyone fighting my way to the barriers at the front of the stage. legs spread as far apart as possible music blaring from speakers over head, fans rushing in behind and all around me. my legs are trembling and just when i feel like i couldn't possibly stand any longer the stage lights turn on with a flash. swirling around and around making the crowd and stage fill with different colors, techies strumming cords of all guitars and tap tap tap check one two three. as they disappear into the back the first band begins to play and i loose track of everything but the music. nothing else matters the pains are all gone and all my worries seem to fade away into the darkness as i become sync with the crowd as we sing and jump along to the beat. i reach my arms up above my head camera in hand feet at the tip of my toes, so there i am at my happiest capturing the moment with each little click of my shutter button. it doesn't matter that i'm squished in between sweaty strangers i know were all there for the same reasons the music. and in the end that's all that matters the waiting the pain the price of tickets the driving it's all completely and utterly worth it to me. with that being said here's a few pictures of myself at concerts mostly taken by others but non the less the moment was captured and the cheyenne we all know and Love shines through. ps HUGE shout out to my mum for letting me use her laptop for this because my computer hates the thought of me writing.